They’re creepy and they’re kooky… Which Halloween character are you? The Astrominals Trick or Treat costumes A costume is a personality test you wear. You can lie on a form. You cannot lie in a bedsheet. Twelve star signs. Twelve Astrominals. Twelve classic Halloween costumes, each one chosen because the sign left no other option. Eleven were assigned after careful thought. The twelfth was chosen in a mirror months ago, and you can probably guess by whom. How to read this: The Astrominals are twelve zodiac characters, and each one is a real animal matched to a sign. Fire signs are African savanna animals, Earth signs are farm animals, Air signs are birds, and Water signs are water creatures. The costume always comes from the sign, never the animal. Canny is not a ghost because crabs are spooky. Crabs are not spooky. Crabs are just sideways. Canny is a ghost for very specific reasons, and we will get to them, gently, with tea. Leo Leo is… Dracula Dracula is not just a vampire, but vampire royalty – Count Dracula. Dracula lives in a castle, sleeps all day, makes one big entrance a night and expects the room to gasp. Leo read the character notes and said, “Finally, a documentary.” So we have a red carpet, velvet ropes and a crowd in silhouette. The fangs are small. The entrance is so big it needed planning permission. The pumpkin next to Leo is wearing sunglasses too. Nobody asked the pumpkin, and the pumpkin didn’t ask either. Stand near Leo for long enough and you get styled. Dracula wants your blood. Leo wants more…. Leo your undivided attention, which is honestly the bigger ask. Aries Arri is…. Frankenstein’s Monster Frankenstein’s monster is what you get when you build first and read the manual later. In Arri’s case the manual never got read, because it was still printing and Arri does not wait for printers. Arri has bolts in the neck. The chalkboard behind shows how a monster is supposed to look, which Arri glanced at once and dismissed as “one opinion.” There is also a toolbox of spare limbs, because the evening might need a third arm and Arri would rather not stop to ask. Aries isn’t the monster. Aries is the lightning: loud, brilliant, and gone before anyone has their goggles on. Sagittarius Sagg is… The Headless Horseman The Headless Horseman was never going to be a stretch. Sagittarius is already half horse, so add a pumpkin and Sagg is in costume more or less by accident. Will having no head slow Sagg down? Unlikely Sagittarius has been going places without using a map or fully thinking them through for centuries. You were going to say goodbye. Too late. Sagg left somewhere around the “-ttarius” of “Sagittarius.” A postcard is on its way, and it says “you’d love it here,” which is not an invitation to join them. FIRE SIGNS: Already at the party before it started Fire gives you Arri, Leo and Sagg: a monster without a manual, a grand entrance, and an exit you weren’t told about. Taurus Taur is The Mummy A mummy is someone who has been lying down, undisturbed, for three thousand years. Taurus read that and felt something close to envy. So Taur is wrapped up in the good armchair with a cat asleep on the bandages, and when a cat is asleep on you, you do not move. That’s the law. There’s a hot water bottle, tea, grapes and slippers. This isn’t a costume. It’s a lifestyle with bandages. There’s a “reserved” tag on the back of the chair. The tag is for you, and it says no. Trick or treat? Taurus has the treats. You can see them, but you can’t have them. The curse of the mummy’s tomb was only ever Taurus not sharing the snacks. Capricorn Cap is The Werewolf Werewolves are famous for losing control once a month. Capricorn heard “losing control” and booked a meeting about it. Transformation happens on the full moon only, entered in the planner weeks ahead, and the howling has a time slot with a hard stop. Cap is standing in the woods in a shaggy werewolf suit worn over the knitwear, because it’s October and the knitwear is not up for discussion, and is ticking off a moon chart on a clipboard. A folding chair, a thermos, a case and a lantern are all set out. Colour-coded sticky tabs on a tree mark the moon phases. The hedge behind is also clipped into a ticked checklist. Virgo did the topiary. Cap paid the invoice on time. The wolf was the one wild, untamed part of Cap’s life. It now has a calendar invite, and it has accepted. Virgo Virgo is The Witch Most witches cackle and chuck in “a handful of eye of newt.” A handful? Whose hand? How big a hand? Virgo has questions, and a complaints procedure. The cauldron has been measured, the potion bottles stand in size order, and the scales hanging off the cauldron are calibrated. The ruler in the apron pocket is for emergencies, and to Virgo anything unmeasured is an emergency. Every step on the clipboard is ticked. Behind Virgo, the garden hedge has been clipped into the shape of a to-do list, with ticks. Clipping the hedge was on the list, and it has been ticked. “Double, double, toil and trouble”? Virgo has crossed out “trouble” and written see revised method, attached. EARTH SIGNS: In possession of a spare everything Farm animals. Practical, reliable, and they brought a flask. Earth signs give you Taur, Virgo and Cap: a very long nap, a measured method, and a werewolf with a diary. Cancer Canny is The Ghost A ghost’s defining feature is that it never leaves the house. Canny read that and thought it sounded like a normal Tuesday. Canny floats in the doorway with a tray of tea, biscuits and a hot water bottle, blue wellies poking out from
