Aries

  Gift Ideas for an Aries: 12 Presents, Reviewed by Arri the Rhino Looking for gift ideas for an Aries? Buying for an Aries (21 March – 19 April) is simple. Get them something exciting, and get it to them fast. An Aries who has to wait for their present is an Aries already wondering if they should go and buy it themselves. We asked Arri the Rhino, the Aries Astrominal, to review twelve gift ideas. He agreed before we’d finished the question. He’d reviewed three of them before we’d finished the list. 1. A gift bag, not wrapping paper The first gift is the packaging. Aries do not peel tape carefully. Arri says: “Bag. Good. Hand in, present out, done. Paper is just a wall between me and my stuff.” 2. A really good pair of trainers Aries are always on their way somewhere, usually at speed. Arri says: “Are they fast? They look fast. I’ll find out on the way home. I won’t be walking.” 3. Go-karting A track, a helmet and other people to overtake. Arri says: “I don’t need to win. I just need to be in front the whole time. That’s different.” 4. An indoor climbing session A wall, a goal at the top, and no queue for the lift. Arri says: “Someone said ‘plan your route’. I planned it. The route is UP.” 5. A stopwatch Aries love a challenge, especially one with a number on it. Arri says: “Now I can time everything. How fast I eat breakfast. How fast I tie my shoes. How long you take to answer a question. Too long, usually.” 6. A red hoodie Red is the Aries lucky colour, and it hides a lot of mud. Arri says: “Red is the colour of GO. I’ve never seen a red that said ‘maybe later’.” 7. A seriously spicy hot sauce set Aries are ruled by Mars, the fiery planet. They like their food to fight back. Arri says: “The label says start with one drop. I respect the label. I disagree with the label.” 8. A fast-paced card game Anything with the word “snap” or “speed” in it. Arri says: “Board games are fine if they’re quick. If there’s a rulebook thicker than my horn, I’m making up my own rules.” 9. A scooter or skateboard Wheels. That’s the whole pitch. Arri says: “Comes with a helmet? Good. I’ll wear the helmet. I am brave, not daft.” 10. A self-assembly kit A model, a robot, a flat-pack anything. Arri says: “There are instructions? Interesting. I’ll look at them after I’ve finished. If there are pieces left over, those were spares.” 11. A Yes Day One day where they’re in charge of the plan. Arri says: “Breakfast at seven. Football at eight. Climbing at nine. Lunch is a sandwich we eat while running. You’re welcome.” 12. An Astrominals Aries birthday card Whatever else you give them, put it with a card that gets them. The Astrominals zodiac birthday cards feature Arri himself, in full action-hero mode, framed by a border of true-to-sign Aries traits. Arri says: “I’ve already opened it. Sorry. It’s very good. It’s me, so obviously.” Arri’s three rules for buying an Aries a present Don’t make them wait. “Early is good. On time is fine. Late is a crime.” Make it exciting. “Socks are not a present. Socks are what you wear on the way to the present.” Let them go first. “Whatever it is, I want to try it before anyone else. That’s not greedy. That’s leadership.” So, which present would Arri choose for himself? Arri says: “All of them. In order. Starting now. Why are you still reading this?” Not sure which Astrominal you’re buying for? Take the quiz, or meet Arri the Rhino and the rest of Team Fire. Astrological and zoological. Illogically logical.