Taur + Arri (Aries)

Arri charges at me most mornings. I don’t move. Eventually he gets tired and sits down next to me, and I share my crisps. That’s friendship.

Verdict: I’m his wall. He’s my alarm clock.

Taur + Taur (Taurus)

Two bulls on one sofa. Nobody has moved since 2019. The remote is somewhere underneath us. We’ve made peace with that.

Verdict: perfectly happy. Possibly fossilised.

Taur + Gem & Eye (Gemini)

They change their minds eleven times before lunch. I’ve changed mine twice in my whole life, and one of those was about mustard.

Verdict: exhausting, but they always bring good gossip.

Taur + Canny (Cancer)

Canny cooks. I eat. Canny cooks more. I eat more. Nobody has ever been so happy in a kitchen.

Verdict: the cosiest pairing in the zodiac.

Taur + Leo (Leo)

Leo wants the spotlight. I want the armchair. As long as the spotlight isn’t pointing at my armchair, we get on fine.

Verdict: a peaceful truce, with occasional roaring.

Taur + Virgo (Virgo)

Virgo organised my snack cupboard by colour, size and date. I’ve never been able to find anything so quickly. I nearly cried.

Verdict: earth sign heaven. Very tidy heaven.

Taur + Libby (Libra)

We both love nice things. Libby loves a beautiful cushion. I love sitting on a beautiful cushion. We go shopping together and come home with forty cushions.

Verdict: gorgeous house, no room to sit.

Taur + Score (Scorpio)

Score and I are opposite signs, and we both dig our heels in. One staring contest lasted four days. We called it a draw because the biscuits ran out.

Verdict: stubborn meets stubborn, and somehow it’s lovely.

Taur + Sagg (Sagittarius)

Sagg asks, “Fancy climbing a waterfall in the rain?” I say, “No.” Sagg goes anyway and sends me photos. I look at them from the sofa. Everyone wins.

Verdict: works best by postcard.

Taur + Cap (Capricorn)

Cap does the hard work. I keep everything calm. Together we could run a whole farm, and we nearly have.

Verdict: steady, sensible and slightly boring to everyone else. We love it.

Taur + Aqua (Aquarius)

Aqua wants to change everything. I want to change nothing. She once replaced my armchair with a “smart chair”. I sat on it until it gave up and became a normal chair.

Verdict: I won. Quietly.

Taur + Pike (Pisces)

Pike daydreams. I daynap. We spend whole afternoons doing nothing together, and it’s brilliant.

Verdict: the calmest friendship in the universe.

Taur’s sign-off: Getting on with a Taurus is simple. Be kind, be on time with the snacks, and never, ever sit in our chair. Do that and we’ll be the most loyal friend you’ve ever had.

Want more Taur? Read The 10 Best Things About Being a Taurus.