What Does Christmas Mean to Each Astrominal?
Good evening, Ladels and Jellyspoons! Pull a cracker, pop on a paper hat, and let’s find out how each Astrominal does Christmas.
Arri - Aries
Arri the Rhino (Aries) opened all 24 advent calendar doors before breakfast on 1 December. He doesn’t wrap presents so much as charge at them with a roll of Sellotape. He’s also offered to pull Santa’s sleigh himself, because who needs nine reindeer when you’ve got one rhino and no patience?
Taur - Taurus
Taur the Bull (Taurus) has had the same Christmas since 2009: same sofa, same film, same tin of chocolates, same paper hat. He’ll keep the peace at the dinner table all day, but take the last roast potato and you’ll see a side of Taur that isn’t on the card.
Gem & Eye - Gemini
Gem & Eye the Twin Toucans (Gemini) have two beaks, one cracker, and a long argument about who gets the bigger half. They’ve also spent three hours debating whether Rudolph’s nose is really red or just reflecting the fairy lights. They tell every cracker joke twice, once each, in different voices.
Canny - Cancer
Canny the Crab (Cancer) knows Christmas is all about family. She’s built a gingerbread house big enough for everyone to move into, made a homemade card for every relative, and cried at every advert on telly. She has one quiet grudge: the Three Wise Men travelled all that way and didn’t even stay for pudding.
Leo
Leo the Lion (Leo) sees every Christmas tree as competition. He’s asked to be the star on top. His presents come wrapped in gold, with a bow bigger than the box and a tag that reads “From Leo (you’re welcome).”
Virgo
Virgo the Shy Sheep (Virgo) had the lights untangled by November, every bauble labelled, and the ribbon measured to the millimetre. Somehow she still ends up wrapped in tinsel from hoof to ear. When presents are opened, she’s hiding behind the tree, hoping everyone likes hers.
Libby - Libra
Libby the Flamingo (Libra) leaves Santa homemade cookies and semi-skimmed milk, because the big man’s cholesterol is through the chimney. She’s spent twenty minutes on one leg choosing between two cracker hats, and she’s cut the last mince pie into twelve perfectly equal slivers so nobody falls out.
Score - Scorpio
Score the Lobster-Scorpion (Scorpio) found everyone’s presents back in October and has said nothing. She’s making a list and checking it twice, because Santa isn’t the only one with a naughty list. She’s also in a frosty staring contest with the snowman in the garden. The snowman is losing.
Sagg - Sagittarius
Sagg the Zebra (Sagittarius) thinks Christmas is a quest. She’s packed boots, a compass and fourteen different plans to find Santa at the North Pole. She’s also the only Astrominal who already looks like a candy cane.
Cap - Capricorn
Cap the Goat (Capricorn) has written Santa a performance review. One night, billions of deliveries, and not a single KPI in sight. Good news, Cap: Santa’s hiring a logistics manager. He’s already wearing his green knitted jumper; he just calls it workwear.
Aqua - Aquarius
Aqua the Pelican (Aquarius) has built a drone to track Santa’s sleigh and is giving everyone gadgets they don’t understand yet. She doesn’t need a stocking, because she’s got a built-in one under her beak. Secretly, she’s hoping for an alien this year.
Pike - Pisces
Pike the Fish (Pisces) dreams of the perfect Christmas feast, then gives the whole lot to the greatest Christmas miracle of all: a cat in a Santa hat. She’s written it a poem too.
So belt out those carols and deck those halls. Whatever your sign, whether you’re a charging rhino or a dreamy fish or anything in between, Christmas makes us all a bit jollier.
Merry Christmas from all twelve Astrominals!